There’s no graceful way to say this, so I’m just going to say it: I’ve had a lot of sex on a lot of continents.

Often, I’ve traveled with a romantic partner. Occasionally, I’ve met someone in a cafe and fallen into a whirlwind travel romance. Once I got bored in Fort Lauderdale and fucked a guy from the taco shack. I have some experience with both wanderlust and wandering lust, is what I’m saying. Here’s what I’ve learned along the way.in the form of a convenient travel sex tips Do & Don’t list: 

✓DO let the Mile High Club fantasy die. Listen, I realize it’s sexy in theory. In practice, though… do you really wanna spend more time in that tiny, pee-spattered box than you have to? Will you actually be turned on by rubbing your naked, sweaty bits all over a public bathroom? No, no you will not. If airplane sex is a bucket list experience for you, snap a nude or two and get out of there.

✗DON’T forget your birth control and/or emergency contraception if you need ’em. Condoms are generally available anywhere tourists go, but birth control pills are not easily accessible in some parts of the world, and spending a panicked morning trying to get your pharmacist to call in a prescription to Japan is NOT how you want to start your vacation.

✓DO give yourself permission to spend some of your vacation time in bed. Sometimes people feel guilty for spending their vacations in bed when there are Sights To See outside, but vacation is about relaxation and if you’re with your partner, it can be an amazing time to reconnect. Once I spent an entire day naked in bed in a fancy Egyptian hotel because the sheets were so soft, and there was a hot pilot next to me, and you could see the pyramids out the window anyway. Have I regretted it once? No, no I have not.

✗DON’T have sex in salt water, but ESPECIALLY NOT THE DEAD SEA. Not that I did this or anything. But, um, definitely don’t do this. Related: Beach sex is as unsexy as the jokes make it sound. Shower one another off and then go at it. Don’t track any sand into bed!

✓DO take advantage of the fact that no one knows you! If you have a scandalously small swimsuit that you can’t imagine wearing to the neighbourhood pool party, vacation might be the time to wear it. Or if you have a role play fantasy that feels ridiculous to try out at home, perhaps your new surroundings will spark your creativity. Maybe it’s just the time to do it with the lights on! Vacation is a great time to venture a little bit outside your comfort zone.

✗DON’T freak out if you can’t “get there”. Messing with your circadian rhythms is powerful stuff. If you’ve changed time zones, or you’re stressed by travel or your surroundings, it’s very likely to affect your mojo. Remember that the journey is more important than the destination, and don’t overthink it. 

✓DO bring a sheet liner if you’re iffy about hotel sheets! They pack up tiny, cover everything on a hotel bed you might have to touch (including your hotel pillow) and you’ll know they’re clean. They run the gamut from plain cotton to luxe silk so you and your partner can get cuddle up in style. You’re welcome.

✗DON’T lose your mind if your period is a day or two late, or if you have unexpected spotting while travelling. See the above note about circadian rhythms. When I travel long distances or go on long trips, it almost always throws my cycle. Don’t let it ruin your vacation… give your body a few days to adjust.

✓If you’re going to hook up, DO keep your wits about you. No judgment here: people hook up on vacation, and it makes sense. Romance blooms in gorgeous locations where wine is flowing freely and you don’t have to go to work tomorrow, and sometimes we find profound connections with strangers. But don’t forget that a stranger is a stranger. Let someone know where you’re going, take a selfie of you and your vacation babe, and send it to a friend before you go anywhere alone with them.

✗DON’T get busy in your hostel dorm bed.  This is an etiquette thing, but trust me when I say it needs to be said. A sheet hanging over the edge of your bed doesn’t make your bunk a private room. If you’re traveling as a couple, the cost of a private room often isn’t much more than two bunk beds and you can bang away with abandon.

✓DO pack lube. Most people get dehydrated when they fly, and we often don’t drink enough water when we’re not on our normal schedules. Even if you don’t normally use lube, travel can do strange things to your body, so pack a tiny sampler pack just in case. Sliquid has small, flat travel packets you can slip in your travel case without anyone being the wiser.

✗If you pack electronic sex toys, DON’T forget to take the batteries out before you fly unless your kink involves having airport security agents paw them over. If you travel with a Magic Wand, the batteries aren’t removable, so you’re just going to have to practice saying “massage tool” with a straight face.

And that’s it: all of my travel sex tips in one place! What travel sex tips would you add to the list? I’m waiting with baited breath…